First-year drivers, and anyone under 25, save yourself some trouble, take what I have learned through mistakes and years of living the reverse Boy Scout’s motto, and equip your car with these items in your first new or new-to-you vehicle.
I live in my car. Ok, not literally. That might make it tough to type this article or spend time with my wife. What I mean is… I spend a lot of time in my car. Forget the shower, driving is where I do my best thinking, singing to the radio, making up my own songs, and just pondering plans for the future. Through thirty-two years of driving legally, I discovered twenty-four items that one’s car must always, positively, never be without. These items are in no particular order of importance.
1. Insurance Card –
Red and blue lights in your rearview and a siren means you have been stopped by the police and the first two items the officer will ask for is your license and registration. Keep a current insurance card in your glove compartment. Even if you have insurance, but accidentally left the card at home the police will have no mercy. It’s not worth spending half the day at the municipal court standing in line to get your ticket dismissed. Take it from someone who has learned the hard way.
2. Flashlight –
My grandfather told my father to keep a flashlight in his car at all times and my father passed that knowledge on to me. Not just any flashlight will do, only a big a** flashlight that could be used as a billy club if needed. Not to mention the obvious illuminating benefits, you might have to put the beat down on a car jacker. You can you use it as protection if you ever have to make a pit stop at a roadside public restroom George Michael wouldn’t even frequent (see Google for 90s George Michael public restroom reference).
3. Batteries –
What good is a flashlight with dead batteries? Strike that, there is still the aforementioned benefit, but batteries make it even better. Batteries are convenient to keep in your car not only for the flashlight backup, but also to replace the juice in a garage door opener or gate opener. Plus, if you get bored, it’s always exciting to put the top end of a fresh 9 volt to your tongue. Kids, do try this one at home.
4. Towel –
I got this car item tip from “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and it makes a lot of sense. You never know when you might spill your Super Jumbo Colossal Gulp and have nothing to clean it up with. Towels are very multi-purpose, it may have to be your blanket one night or a costume to crash an East Indian wedding party buffet.
5. 4 quarts of oil –
Although you can buy these when you are getting gas at most stations, you never know when you will be on a long road trip, far from a station, and your oil tank’s little car port leak starts spurting like the La Brea Tar pits. Your engine overheats, and what was your bank account becomes just a fossilized impression of it.
6. Funnels –
Life is no fun without funnels when you have to put oil in. Without funnels, one resorts to lower forms of funneling oil, like poking a hole in a Styrofoam cup or attempting to transport it by siphoning it through a straw.
7. White rag –
This is for the self-administered oil check before adding more, or getting it changed, in case your mandatory towel is not white (which I recommend it not being white for the social unsightliness of multiple clean ups your towel will inevitability endure). You have to wipe the dip stick from oil in order to redip it, to see if there is oil present. That is what this white rag is for.
8. $5 in quarters –
I have probably ran the toll half a dozen times in my life, and then lived in fear the weeks following of receiving a nice little action photo quite similar to the ones you see after you’ve ridden a roller coaster available for $19.95. Instead you receive this action shot in the mail along with a fine of a lot more than $20. I have been lucky so far, and have since bought a toll tag. Keep quarters around, and you will never have to have this fear weighing on your conscious.
9. Blanket—
This is in case you ever want to get snuggly with your significant other, or go on a spontaneous picnic. There may be a slight chance, that at least once in your life; you will have to sleep in your car. “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” You’ll feel like royalty with a blanket, and a jester if you are caught without it one cold hotel roomless night.
10. Breath freshener –
How many people actually carry a toothbrush everywhere they go? Don’t kid yourself. Get some minty chewables and keep them in large quantities in your car for the five minutes before the good night kiss that you normally would have planned for while hanging out at the house (maybe next time). Consume this mint very discretely. For some reason they think it’s too assuming when you toss back 3 or 4 mints in front of them. Even my wife gets offended. Ok, this isn’t a relationship tips article. Onward.
11. Deodorant—
D.O. is not so much for you, but for others. Oh yeah, make sure you get the strong enough for a sweaty marsupial pouch, but PH balanced for teenagers and young adults brand. If you are a guy, also keep that body spray that makes a big group of girls tackle you as shown on those commercials. This will help give you a confidence boost to spray on yourself right before get out of your car.
12. Ice scrapper—
You may not be used to hordes of snow and ice living in the south, and this is where an ice scrapper is most important. Since people closer to the sun often don’t have to think about ice scrappers, along with adding snow tires, we’re stuck when the first unexpected sleet storm hits.
You end up having waste gas sitting in your car for 15 minutes with the heat on, wipers going, and waiting for your windshield to be clear enough to drive, while you’re running late for work. Or you get impatient and take a dumb risk of driving with unmelted sleet on your windshield. Put an ice scrapper in your trunk, or a small one in your glove box and you’ll be glad you did.
